The Xmen Present: Little Red Riding Hood
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The story of Little Red Riding Hood, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs. Starring the New Mutants.


**AN: **Wow this story is shorter than I thought, haha. Anyway, Little Red Riding Hood was requested by (in no particular order):

SuniGyrl  
coup fatal  
IceSiren89  
impteen16  
Alierana  
themadhatter17

It's not a Romy, but I hope you guys like it anyway.

* * *

Once upon a time there was a...

* * *

**Wait a second, where's my cast gone?**

"Oh," said Jubilee, "well, we got tired of all the older ones getting all the spot light."

"Yeah," Amara agreed. "So we locked them out."

"The time of the New Mutants has come!" Ray declared.

**I see. Well, I guess I'll just have to make do.**

"Yes, you will," Bobby nodded. "Wait... were we just insulted?"

* * *

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Jamie who lived in a village at the edge of the forest.

One day his father, Roberto, gave him a basket of goodies to take to his sick grandfather, Sam, who lived in a cottage in the middle of the forest.

* * *

"Ahhh! Role reversal!" Roberto yelled.

"Hey 'Berto, you're my dad," Jamie giggled.

"I'm not old!" Sam shouted.

* * *

"Now make sure you stay to the path and don't talk to strangers," Roberto told Jamie.

"I won't," Jamie promised.

Jamie put on his red cloak and headed down the path through the forest. While he was on his way a wolf crossed his path.

"Hello little boy," said Rahne. "Where are you off to?"

* * *

"How did I know I'd get the part of the wolf?" Rahne said.

"Gee, I don't know, Wolfsbane," Jubilee teased her.

* * *

"I'm on my way to Grandpa's house in the middle of the forest to give him this basket of goodies," Jamie replied cheerfully. "Oooh look! Strawberries."

Delighted, Jamie wandered off the path to pick the yummy strawberries. Meanwhile, Rahne had decided that Jamie and his grandfather would make tasty morsels and hurried on her way to Sam's house. The door was unlocked, so Rahne sneaked in and took Sam from behind -

* * *

"Isn't that supposed to be the other way around?" asked Bobby mischievously.

"We just said it was a role reversal," Roberto pointed out.

"You two have dirty minds," Rahne said disgustedly.

"I don't get it," said Jamie.

"Never mind," chorused everyone in reply.

**Okay, let me rephrase...**

* * *

Rahne took Sam by surprise, tied him up and stashed in the wardrobe. She took out Sam's pajamas, dressed and got into bed just as Jamie knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Rahne called, caught herself and repeated in a lower tone: "Come in."

* * *

"So Rahne," said Bobby, "how long have you been having these gender issues?"

"So Bobby," Rahne replied coolly, "how long have you been suicidal?"

* * *

Jamie let himself in and walked over to the bed.

"Hi Grandpa," said Jamie cheerfully. "I've brought you some goodies."

* * *

There was a lot of giggling and the word "Grandpa" being repeated.

**We done yet?**

* * *

"Why Grandpa," said Jamie. "What big eyes you have."

"All the better to see you with," Rahne replied.

* * *

More giggling.

**I guess that's a "no".**

* * *

"Why Grandpa," said Jamie, edging closer to the bed. "What big ears you have."

"All the better to hear you with," Rahne replied.

* * *

**You know, it's really not that funny.**

"But he's so cute!" Jubilee insisted.

* * *

"Why Grandpa," said Jamie. "What big teeth you have."

"All the better to eat you up with!" Rahne declared.

She jumped out of bed and attacked him, but at the last second the skilled woodsman, Laura, sliced her way through the door.

* * *

"And now for the fight of the decade," said Sam in an 'announcer' voice. "Wolfsbane verses X-23. Who will win?"

"Place your bets now," Bobby added with a grin.

* * *

Laura had been tracking Rahne for quite some time now. With Rahne now in sight, Laura attacked. Rahne dodged and ran out of the cottage as fast as she could. Laura growled and chased after her.

Jamie was left alone in the cottage and it was only when it was silent that he heard a banging noise coming from the wardrobe. He was a little nervous at first, but bravely opened the door.

"Grandpa!" he exclaimed.

Jamie untied Sam and the two sat down to enjoy the goodies. Jamie told Sam all about meeting Rahne in the woods and promised he wouldn't disobey his father again.

* * *

"I can't believe you mistook Rahne for me," Sam said.

"It's a story," Jamie pointed out.

"But we look nothing alike," Sam said. "Clearly, Red Riding Hood is very stupid."

"What did happen to Rahne anyway?" Bobby asked.

"What do you think happened?" Jubilee asked. "Laura was after her."

"Well, I may have been the villain," Rahne said. "But I got more air time than everyone except Jamie. So nanny nanny nah nah."


End file.
